Honoring Paul Farmer

Today we celebrated the life of a great man. Paul Farmer was a patriot, a public servant, a coach, a husband, a father, and a grandfather. A graduate of the US Naval Academy, where he was a multi-sport athlete, he spent his military career as an aviator in the US Marine Corps. During a training exercise in the 1970s, he was forced to eject from his aircraft. Despite his parachute failing to open, he managed to land on his feet, breaking his back but saving his life.

During his hospital recovery, he began courting one of the nurses, Kathy, who soon became Mrs. Farmer. They were married 46 years before Paul died, and during the last 26 of those years, they played a very significant role in my life. I learned a great deal from him about sports, food, wine, and life.

Paul was laid to rest this morning with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetery. It was a very moving ceremony with scores of troops, a full Marine Corps band, and, of course, a 21-gun salute. The reception at the Navy Officers Club on base was a real joy. A plurality of Paul's Academy company-mates joined us, as did many of his colleagues, and the stories shared were truly worthy of the exceptional life we were celebrating.

Following is a transcript of the remarks I made at the reception:

I'm Bryan Guido Hassin, and I'm Paul Farmer's other son. Those of you with astute powers of observation may note that my last name is not Farmer and that I don't resemble Paul or Kathy or Nick or Jocelyn. Well spotted! No, I wasn't born into the Farmer family. I met Nick in 7th grade, joined his baseball team - coached by Paul, of course - and we began spending a lot of time together. Throughout middle and high school, Nick’s and my friendship grew into a true brotherhood, I played out the rest of my baseball career on teams coached by Paul, and I spent so much time at the Farmers’ house that they began calling me “Son II” while I called them “Mom and Dad II.”

So I’ve spent the vast majority of my life calling Paul Farmer “Dad II” but, when I first met him, I called him "Coach." To paraphrase a movie from around that time that Nick and I both loved, Coach is the name for God in the lips and hearts of young boys. Indeed, as most of us didn’t have a shot at playing professional baseball, our coach’s primary responsibility wasn’t to develop us into top prospects; it was to help us develop into young men.

Coach Farmer took to that responsibility like a fish to water - not by sitting us down and saying, "Here's how to be a man," but rather by example - and what an example he was: a world-traveled, meat-eating, wine connoisseur, fighter pilot, athlete - what a man!

But you never would have known most of that as he didn't wear much on his sleeve. Mr. Farmer conducted himself with a quiet, determined humility, which is what he taught us on the field: keep your head down, work hard, do your best, and you will achieve your goals.

This applied doubly so in the classroom as it did to the baseball field for Mr. Farmer was one of the smartest, most learned men I've ever known. I have fond memories of sitting around his table playing Trivial Pursuit. It wouldn’t have been much fun for him because he knew all the answers. Instead, he relegated himself to asking the questions and giving us clues that were so clever, they could only really be appreciated once the answer was known.

And yes, I include in my list of examples of Mr. Farmer’s intellectual prowess another of my favorite memories: the time he was summarily ejected from one of our baseball games he was coaching for arguing with the umpire. As soon as we returned home, we looked up the rules and, of course, Coach Farmer was right - he was always right. 

While that memory stands out to me because it may be the only time I ever witnessed Mr. Farmer, the consummate officer and gentleman, really get riled up, he wasn't arguing with the umpire because he wanted to win; he was doing so because had strong convictions about what is right. You don't do something to gain some reward or to avoid some penalty; you do it because it is right.

That strong sense of conviction and duty made Dad II one of the most gallant men I have ever known - a true modern day knight. When my Mom I was seriously ill in the hospital, Paul and Kathy visited her regularly and helped her get better. When my wife and I suffered a devastating pregnancy loss, Dad II was among the first to send us the sweetest, most heartfelt note of condolences.

On the surface he could be stoic and reserved, but underneath was a tender heart and a man who was incredibly thoughtful. They say with icebergs you only see the 10% that's above water but the 90% below is what’s really powerful. I find that describes Dad II very well - all the more so because his aviator call sign was Penguin!

You were one of a kind, Paul Farmer, the best of the best. The Force was strong with you in life and it is even stronger with you in death. You leave behind a legacy of a country that thanks you, friends and colleagues who respect you, and a family that loves you. You live on in all of us who remember you and through your lessons which we are now passing on to the next generation.

I'd like to send him off with a slightly adapted poem, the subject of which was near and dear to Paul's heart since practically the day he was born.

Oh somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright.
A band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
Somewhere men are laughing, somewhere children roam.
But there is no joy in Mudville, for Paul Farmer has gone home.

Semper Fi, Penguin.
Semper Fi, Coach Farmer.
Semper Fi, Dad II

Family and Hurricanes and Terminators, OH MY!

We did a great deal more after our eclipse trip last month but multiple hurricanes distracted me from blogging about it!

After the eclipse in Charleston, we spent a couple of days at the beach in Hilton Head. It was a bit hot and humid but it still always does my heart good to feel the sand between my toes.

This midweek diversion was the prelude to a weekend trip to visit my brother and his family in St. Petersburg, Florida. The primary purpose of this trip was to meet the new addition to his family but we (I) planned it to coincide with the theater release of Terminator 2: Judgment Day!

The rest of Nick's family conspired with me to keep the visit a surprise from him so, when we showed up at his door Thursday evening (with movie tickets already in hand!), he was pretty taken aback. T2 was a favorite movie of ours when we were teens and we watched it over and over again on video. It was a real treat to see it 26 (!) years later in the theater again.

While the movie experience was fun, nothing can compare to spending time with the people we love. We enjoyed meeting our new niece and spending time with our rapidly growing nephews as well. It was a relaxed weekend of family, food, and fun.

Unfortunately, during this same time, Hurricane Harvey was wreaking havoc on the Texas Gulf Coast. We stayed in close contact with our friends in Houston and were pleased that, after all was said and done, everyone was OK. Some of our friends were unscathed, some had some property damage, and some effectively lost everything - this was a real doozy! Fortunately, though, even those who experienced great loss of property survived physically and are now recovering. 

It will take years for Houston to recover from Harvey but it was amazing to see the "everyday" acts of heroism even during the first days of the disaster: neighbors helping flooded neighbors evacuate, good Samaritans rescuing stranded animals, and volunteers pouring in from all over the country to help with recovery efforts. Sometimes in times of strife we see the worst of people but, in this case, we really saw the best of humanity.

I was particularly proud of my alma mater, Rice University. It weathered the storm well and, rather than resting on that privilege, more than 2,000 students, faculty, staff, and alumni spent the following week out in Houston helping those less fortunate to recover. Losing a week of school is a major blow to a 14-week semester but the "real world" education these students received through their community engagement trumps anything they would have learned in a classroom.

From the eclipse to family trips to hurricane devastation, it has been a roller coaster of a few weeks. We are fortunate to be OK but our hearts go out to those who were less lucky.

My Family, the American Dream

Former US President Bill Clinton recently held my family up as an example of immigrants that have done well in - and for - America. In his interview with Fareed Zakaria, President Clinton was making an argument that the US should open its arms to Syrian refugees. As evidence that Syrian immigrants can be good additions to the US population, he cited a Syrian[-Italian]-American family he grew up with in Hot Springs, Arkansas: my grandfather, grandmother, father, and aunts.

My great grandfather immigrated to the US from Syria. His son, my grandfather, who fought for the US in World War II, was stationed in Italy, where he met and married my grandmother. My father was born in Italy but the family returned to the US when he was still a baby. There he and his four sisters grew up down the street from Bill Clinton.

While I have to admit a small flash of pride in having my family mentioned by a US president, the real pride is in America. For all its faults, sometimes it truly does live up to its reputation as the land of opportunity. It is a place where poor immigrants can come, start a new life, and have children who grow up to be physicists, accountants, teachers, nurses . . . or even President of our country.

Both sides of my family came from modest means and both sides have worked hard to create secure futures for their children and grandchildren. I'm not only proud to live in a country where this is possible, but also grateful beyond measure. My family is truly living the American Dream.

Weekend in Minnesota

Last weekend Katie and I took off for a quick jaunt to the Twin Cities for our godson's birthday. You know we love that part of our family because we left NC just as spring was springing, trading the gorgeous weather for the cold and snowy northern midwest. It was very worth it, though, because not only did we get to celebrate our nephew's birthday, we were able to spend relaxed time with much of the rest of Katie's family as well.

The trip was fun and afforded us the opportunity to watch two children-oriented movies that we might not otherwise have seen: Frozen and The LEGO Movie. Given all the buzz around Frozen, I expected to love it more than I actually did. It was visually beautiful and I admired that it didn't send a lesson to young girls that their fulfillment solely depends on the attraction of some prince. There were some funny parts too and I particularly enjoyed all the Scandinavian-ish-ness in the setting and characters. However, it was hard for me to connect with the story - the characters' motivations and actions seemed pretty unbelievable - and I found the music to be unoriginal - if I would have closed my eyes, I would have sworn I were listening to Wicked!

The LEGO Movie, on the other hand, I found surprisingly enjoyable. Possibly I was biased by my love of LEGOs, or possibly by all the business cases we did at IMD on how LEGO was leveraging its brand to innovate in other media. Possibly I identified more with a male protagonist, or possibly I just had lower expectations for a silly movie - which it definitely was. At the end of the day, though, the song from The LEGO Movie is the one stuck in my head.

Now that we are back in North Carolina, we're hoping to thaw out a bit - and I'm hoping to enjoy my last week as a 34-year-old!

A Family Wedding

Last weekend I had the honor of officiating my sister-in-law's wedding in Tahoe. While the details of the wedding itself are private to the family, I'm glad to retell the story of the weekend, which was a grand affair.

We flew into Reno Wednesday and made our way to Fjeldheim, a Norwegian family lodge up in the mountains of the southeastern shore that had been rented out for the entire weekend. After stockup trips to Costco and Trader Joe's, we arrived at Fjeldheim and were thrilled with what we found. It's a huge multistory, multiacre estate with enough room to sleep 30+ people. Gorgeous lake views, an outdoor hot tub, a massive kitchen, the closest family of the bride and groom - we were ready for an epic weekend!

Thursday morning we woke up early and went hiking up to the summit of Maggies Peak. The high altitude immediately made itself apparent to me, as did the steep inclines of the hike! Huffing and puffing as I was, though, we were all rewarded with gorgeous views of Emerald Bay. After taking some time (and food!) to recover, we then spent the afternoon wine tasting on the California side of the lake.

Friday morning I took the opportunity to do something I can't do very well in Houston: hill sprints! The bride, who is a yogi, then helped me warm down with some light yoga. Friday afternoon then we all headed to the beach for the groom's dinner. Under cloudless skies we grilled out, played on the sand, and engaged in [freezing] water sports. The best part, though, came when the bride and sister of the groom busted out a guitar and began to serenade the groom. The guitar stayed out all night and it turned into hours and hours of sing-a-long - what fun!

The day of the wedding couldn't have been more perfect. We were blessed with our third straight day of awesome weather. The bride started the day by leading us in the full Ashtanga Yoga primary series. I then joined the groom for a trail run along the Lake Tahoe Rim Trail. All this led up to the main event: the wedding itself.

The ceremony was short and sweet and I was privileged to have a front row seat. After the bride and groom were pronounced husband and wife we spent a glorious afternoon sipping on champagne, playing yard games, and dining outside. This, of course, was followed by hours and hours of dancing until the wee hours of the morning - I couldn't have imagined anything better for the happy couple.

Sunday we lazily breakfasted and said sad, fond goodbyes. It had been a wonderful, joyous celebration in an amazing location but eventually it was time to return to reality. For Katie and me, however, reality was delayed by another day. Our flight back to Houston wasn't until Monday so we had to spend the night at a hotel/casino in Reno. Let me tell you, that was one classy place! After an evening of smoky gaming tables, poolside dancers, and comped all-you-can-eat buffets, we finally returned to Houston.

What a weekend! We are so, so happy for Kelly and Mike and we were thrilled to be party of their new union! We were especially thrilled that the way they wanted to celebrate happened to be a LOT of fun!

My Brother's Wedding

Last weekend Katie and I went to St. Petersburg, Florida for my brother's wedding. It was hot and humid but somehow we didn't mind at all. Katie set us up in a B&B near all the action. It was cute, quaint, and very energy- and water-efficient, which we obviously appreciated. If anyone else is traveling to St. Petersburg, we would recommend La Veranda as a nice alternative to staying in a big hotel. The proprietor was extremely adaptable to Katie's and my nutritional requests for breakfast.

Friday we met my mom, brother, and another groomsman for lunch at The Moon Under Water. Although it offered mostly Britsh pub food (Yuck!), it also offered superb Indian cuisine (Yum!) - combined with a British pub beer list (Yumyumyum!)! Such a great pairing enjoyed al fresco on a sunny afternoon was just the way to kick off the weekend's festivities.

After the rehearsal, we had rehearsal dinner at Bella Brava, an Italian restaurant that Nick has been raving about for years. They kind of screwed up our reservation so I was less impressed with them than I had hoped to be - but it still turned out to be a fine venue for eating, drinking, and roasting on the eve of the wedding.

Saturday Katie and my mom spent the day bouncing around between St. P's surprising number of good museums (surprising given the town's small size). Meanwhile I joined the other groomsmen at Nick's house for a day of outdoor workouts and great food. Once we felt that Nick had been sent off from bachelorhood in appropriate style, we changed and got ready for the big event.

The wedding itself was Hawaiian themed and very informal. With the sun beating down on us, we all appreciated the informality! It was also very meaningful, from the written vows to the sentimental rings to the participation of the flower dog.

As we transitioned to the reception we also added a Top Gun theme. We groomsmen donned aviators as we entered the reception to the Top Gun theme song and later on there was a You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling homage. The Hawaiian theme continued as well as we were treated to a show by dancers from the Pacific Islands. It was an interactive show so attendees were treated (?) to more than they could ever want of me hula dancing!

We danced into the night and then continued the party in downtown St. P. It was a lot of fun: sweaty, sweaty fun!

The next day Katie, Mom, and I spent the morning in the Salvador Dali Museum - what a trip! And then we wrapped up with tapas at Ceviche before heading home. All in all it was a fun weekend and a great way to send Nick and Jess off on their new adventure. I won't try to recount my toasts here as they are private, intended just for the bride, groom, and other wedding attendees. I did quote one poem by Rumi, though, in honor of Nick's and Jess's strong attachment to the sea:


The religion of Love 
is a sea without 
a shore,where the 
Lovers drown 
without a sigh, 
without a cry.

To Nick and Jess, bon voyage on your new life together!

More Sibling Bonding in Austin

Last weekend Katie and I headed to Austin to spend the weekend with my brother, Nick, and his family. As we were the chauffeurs, there wasn't room for Max in the car, so we left him with friends.

We drove up to Austin Friday evening and crashed with a friend (a friend with a dog to help treat our Max withdrawal!). After a long drive we were pooped so we just went for a late dinner at 24 Diner then called it a night.

Saturday we picked up our three guests and spent the day at Austin's Greenbelt. I'm a little embarrassed that this was my first time at the Greenbelt because it . . . is . . . awesome! Less than 10 minutes from downtown Austin (more like 5, depending on where you enter), it's a huge park (800+ acres - roughly the same size as New York's Central Park), full of woods, trails, eight miles of Barton Creek, swimming spots, and all sorts of flora and fauna. Oh, and it's all off-leash for dogs so we'll have to bring Max the next time we're in town!

We hiked up past one swimming hole and hopped in the water at another: Sculpture Falls. It might have been  a bit generous to call them "falls" - after all, this was a creek, not a raging river. Still, there was lots of room for swimming, from waist deep water to way over your head. In the deepest part there was a rope swing that we could use to launch ourselves out into the creek. Some people were chilling in the shallows, some were actively swimming around, and some were just playing with their dogs. What a blast - we could have stayed forever!

Eventually we left, though, and, after a workout on rings that we hung from one of the trees, we had a great dinner together. After watching the bats come out from underneath Congress Ave Bridge, we crashed and prepared for another busy day.


Sunday I woke up early and ran around Town Lake. The 10-mile trail is quite pretty, very barefoot/minimalist friendly, and packed with other runners - even around sunrise (maybe especially around sunrise, given how hot the day was likely to become!). After an epic breakfast at Kerbey Lane, we went and visited Inner Space Caverns. There we found even more bats, but this time clinging to stalactites instead of the underside of a bridge.


After two fun-filled days, we finally had to drop Nick et al back off at the airport. Once again it was too short but we'll take what we can get when it comes to spending time with those we love!

A Life of Significance

In my last post I mused about my pattern of chronic overcommitment and speculated that a contributing factor might have been my father's early death contributing to a sense of urgency to get something done before it's too late. This is probably a bit simplistic as it neglects the motivation to do something significant in the first place. For that it's probably more instructive to look at my other source of DNA: my mother.

Last weekend Katie and I ventured up to the Washington DC area to cheer Mom on as she took delivery of the Discovery space shuttle for the National Air & Space Museum's Udvar-Hazy Center. As a curator of human spaceflight, this is essentially the crowning accomplishment of her career. She has authored/edited books, produced exhibits, given talks at conferences, been interviewed by major media, etc. but the acquisition of Discovery is in an entirely different league. Discovery is the champion of the shuttle fleet, having flown more than any other spacecraft, including many notable missions. This $2.4B (in 80s dollars, mind you!) artifact is really, really significant.

Looking back, Mom has been a constant source of inspiration for me toward a life of significance. Coming from very modest beginnings in a small town, she has constantly striven to stretch her wings and test herself against greater and greater challenges - through Arkansas, Texas, California, Minnesota, New York, Alabama, and, finally, Washington DC. She received the Smithsonian's job offer to work at one of the world's most popular museums while we were still living in Huntsville, Alabama. To my 10-year-old self DC seemed like a big, scary place. Mom didn't shy away from the opportunity, though; she was eager to test herself on a larger stage, one that would would impact millions of people each year.

During my childhood, Mom was always encouraging me to spread my own wings. Whether through family trips to foreign countries, or taking me to plays/concerts/cultural events, or reading with me, or visits to historical sites (and LOTS of museums, obviously), she always nudged me to expand my horizons. What impresses me most, though, are the things she helped me pursue that were way outside her comfort zone: Art Monk Football Camp, for example, or the annual Great Debate about the size and rate of expansion of the universe.

Throughout, she also tried to instill in me her values of doing the right thing, the honest thing, rather than just the thing of greatest benefit. Lord knows I didn't always succeed in this area, but she was always there to, ahem, help me see where I had strayed - and correct course!

Add all that up and I think it's easy to see how I would find myself dedicating my professional life to addressing the world's energy challenges. As Nobel Laureate Dick Smalley often said (paraphrasing), if you take the top ten challenges to humanity over the next 50 years and solve energy (the top challenge, according to Smalley), you solve at least eight of the others (water, food, environment, poverty, etc.) incidentally.

I'm working hard on this most significant of industries not just because I believe my efforts will have a big impact, but also because I believe it is right. So many bright, capable, energetic people work in industries or for organizations where they really aren't addressing the world's challenges. Many of them don't love that fact but they don't know anything else. Some of them don't really care. Most don't really think about it.

Thank you, Mom, for inspiring me to live a life of significance. A life of meaning. I'm so proud of what you have accomplished and I'm working my tail off to live up to your example!

Magical Weekend in Florida

Last weekend we went to Florida to celebrate our nephew's sixth birthday! It's been years since I've been and a great deal has changed since the last time I was there. Katie and I flew in Thursday and were immediately treated to a wonderful dinner of fish tacos at my brother's new house. Both he and his girlfriend are conservation-minded marine biologists so we had high confidence that the fresh fish we were eating were sustainably caught. To add to the enjoyment, we drank some very good Bordeaux and were serenaded by our nephew's burgeoning piano skills!

Friday morning, while our hosts were at work / in school, Katie and I borrowed a car and headed to Orlando for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! I didn't have high expectations for it as I generally find theme parks to be cheesy, poorly detailed, over-commercialized places filled with too-long lines of screaming kids (basically the same way I feel about Vegas). Still, it was clearly something I had to check off my bucket list, especially when so close. Katie was a little more optimistic, caring less about the Wizarding World of Harry Potter's execution and more just about riding roller coasters for the first time in years.

We got a late start, arriving at Universal's Islands of Adventure more than an hour after opening time. At least we had bought our tickets online in advance so we could bypass the entrance lines. We made a bee line for the Harry Potter section and started with the piece de resistance, Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. This ride takes place in a mock-up of Hogwarts Castle. They did a good job of recreating the castle, but the exterior facade was so small that it kind of ruined the effect.

While waiting in line for the ride we passed through several Hogwarts rooms, which were pretty faithful to the movies. They did a good job with the talking paintings and several other effects. Our wait was probably only half an hour but, on days when it's multiple hours, these extra effects would surely help alleviate the burden of the line.

The ride itself was really cool, a combination of cool chair/arm technology and cooler multisensory A/V effects. Unfortunately it was over after just five minutes, which would be hard to swallow if we had waited much longer!

By the time we exited the ride, the line for The Flight of the Hippogriff was already 60 minutes long. Given that it looked like a kiddie coaster, we opted to skip it. Thank goodness for the digital displays at each ride that estimated the wait time - bravo, Universal, for that!

We moved on directly to the Dragon Challenge, which appeared to be a more serious roller coaster. The wait for this one was only 10 minutes and it did not disappoint! Jam packed with loops, rolls, and drops, it was a 2.5-minute adrenaline rush - lots of fun! If we did one roller coaster over and over (as my brother and I used to do at King's Dominion), this would have been the one!

Having exhausted the Harry Potter rides, we made our way to the re-creation of Hogsmeade Village. Most of this comprised touristy shops that didn't interest us but the effect of snow-covered roofs was well done - even in the Florida heat! We stopped by The Three Broomsticks pub for an early lunch. The food was predictably "meh" but the butterbeer was a very worthwhile bucket list item.

So, as expected, the Harry Potter section of the park was pretty cheesy, but I'm glad we visited it at least once. For my money (and time), though, I'd just as soon play Harry Potter video games if I want to wander around Hogwarts Castle. Or, better yet, re-read the books!

As we didn't need to be back for another few hours, we dallied a bit and checked out some other rides on Marvel Super Hero Island. This began with the Spider Man ride, which was similar to the Forbidden Journey ride we did earlier, and ended with The Incredible Hulk, which was fun but not so much as the Dragon Challenge. Having then satisfied our roller coaster fix, we headed back home.

Friday night we had another great dinner with more great wine - Italian on both accounts! As the girls got sleepy and headed off to bed, my brother and I devoted ourselves to a much worthier cause - EPIC PING PONG! The last time we played ping pong together was probably sometime in high school so this was a fun trip down memory lane.

Saturday began with a morning jog followed by breakfast at the farmers market - what a way to start! The rest of the day was taken up by my nephew's birthday party. It was super hero themed, which meant that the house was decorated with super hero paraphernalia, the kids customized their own super hero capes, and many super hero games were played, including red-light/green-light/kryptonite and tug of war against evil villains (us adults)! The entire ordeal was great fun . . . but exhausting!

Due to an early Sunday obligation we had to hop on a Saturday night flight back to Houston. It was just a quick trip to Florida, but what a blast. It was so great to see my brother and his family settling in and thriving. Add excellent food, wine, company and magic rides to the mix and it was a heck of a weekend!